🙛 dearest you, welcome to mobile view! i'm dogshit abysmal at making responsive sites so i gave up entirely and am just porting the actual text in like this is the 1980s. sorry in advance for what you miss out on image-wise but i just could not get it to work.
🙛 navigation: about, sitemap, profile.
🙛 chapter summary.
in which i show off my questionable aesthetic taste and five hundred links to the rest of my site, go over the terms of engagement, do a characters like me sampler, admit to using bluesky, and generally overwhelm you with everything but autoplay. if you dislike tiny and pale text, now is when to tap out (or switch to mobile view). if you love infinite dropdowns and pink, this is for you.
🙛 a bit about your web-saintess. she wants to be flowers, but you make her owls. you must not complain, then, if she goes hunting. [ . . . ] i think she was longing for the time when she was flowers on the mountain, and it is making her cruel, as the rose is growing thorns.
basics. natalie, mielle, or daphne if we're close. born in 1994. she, zie, they are all fine but please never call me he or use masculine/butch/etc terminology unless you see me use it first. genderfluid femme bi. white, tme transfeminist, fat and happy with it, disabled ( chronic fatigue, fibro, sleep phase something ) and insane ( cptsd and comorbidities, bipolar ), ex full service sex worker. xviii: the moon. toxic yuri warrior and general unlikable lunatic. aquarius who doesn't believe in astrology, scaredy-cat who doesn't believe in ghosts, loves some candles and rosemary magic despite being annoyingly atheist in real life. so-called "saintess" because i'm incapable of using the word "master" normally after decades in the doctor who mines, and i read a truly horrific amount of otome isekai and now think saintess is a normal word for an evil woman chosen by angels to fuck around and ruin everyone's day.
online. i've been everywhere on the internet, if only for a day or two, and i've kind of given up on making myself work for social media's sake. i'm very obnoxious about my opinions and i was raised in a cave by a cloud so every third word i use is a pidginette stand-in to bridge the gap between my isolationist word salad and the real word where the concepts i'm trying to verbalize won't exist for another hundred and fifty years. you can always ask me to clarify something unless you're going to do so as a foot in the door for a teaching moment™ where you berate me for describing a different colour red than the one you see or in the way you'd describe it. this site dabbles heavily aesthetically with shades of rose pink, lindt teddy bears, strawberries and apples as a stand-in until they release the raspberry emoji, and the giant gaping hole that the owl service drilled in the side of my head when i read it as a precocious child. it is a work in progress, but i've decided that everyone talking about "living sites" was right and i'm tired of not publishing what i have done in case people expected more.
accessibility. i coded most of the chunks of this to my preferences but i test 90% of it live either on my phone in the bathtub or on my wife's phone where he has darkmode and bigtext turned on. if it's broken on your phone know that it's not because i hate accessibility: it's because i tried really hard and i failed every time until i gave up. as far as specifically colours go i have tried to keep it safe on night mode but i re-read my posts on daymode and so the contrast needs to not be a migraine trigger for me more than any other hypothetical reader who can use the alternate colourscheme without getting sunspots that make them throw up. and before you say "you sure are lucky that your own headache-avoidance colours are also the exact rosy shades you like to code in" i'd like to point out that i'd be a bigger idiot if i didn't give in and just learn how to make something really cute within the cataract haze shades i'm allowed to look at?? my favourite colour is grey and i can't use it anywhere i need to be able to read back to myself. at the end of the day, i'm disabled too and i can only do what i can do.
🙛 read my diary.
latest entry: JULY, 2026.
weather: humidly hot with intermittent thunderstorms rolling down from the lakes. temperatures wrapped up with a high of 34.9 & a low of 12. it's been really good weather for mosquitos, which means the cats have had a lot of free enrichment every time one of the assassin bugs eating most of them has taken a wrong turn and buzzed inside. they've eaten at least two (and a moth) in front of me.
faves: widow's bay (tv), charlie sheen reaches out to the feds (song), kum koon garden (pan fried style chow mein), our wars have ended (podcast), judging the acting choices in the game of thrones audiobooks (pirated), setting up my traveler's notebook (peter pauper), watching [xyz singing like rent was due] compilations for theater and kpop and voting on how evicted they are, i-dle performing villain and wife at lollapalooza (youtube video).
complaints: i've accepted that i'm not going to wake up in the next few days and suddenly be in the exact right headspace to post a journal entry. so you get me as i am, and i'll just try to do better next month at saying anything interesting. this month has been one that i've really filled with coding instead of writing, and it's a struggle to feel like that was worth it when i'm still re-tooling and fiddling with my css.
friends: A. has been a massive inspiration for me over the last few months of my coding journey and i've been having so much fun working more firmly on a theme than i would have without his influence. i wish i could show you guys the bts stuff i'm privy to not just because i want to brag about me and star being represented by lace/hornet pixels because it's just... insanely cool. the closest way i can describe it is by telling you to imagine those green matrix-style oldweb layouts but as a throwback to brutalist architecture blueprints instead.
commonplace: this month we've been really trapped inside the house by all of the work we have booked for repairs. a lot of this was less urgent when we bought the house than it turned out to be but i'm trying to be optimistic about it. yes it's stressful and evil and making me crazy and emptying our savings and eating up government grants... but we managed to get most of it booked for before the turn of the decade, we didn't lose anything we'd have to die on the cross arguing with the insurance company over replacing, and we don't live in any of the towns or parts of winnipeg that are still flooded / without power. each of those individually could have been my thirteenth reason and we managed to dodge getting hit by them (knock on wood) even if the prior twelve are still kicking me up and down the street like a can.
i suppose what's been on my mind most has been the idea of internet anonymity and how the current models we have for that fall short for me. i'm famously someone with horrendous internet hygiene and have in fact doxxed myself multiple times during my career as a netizen, so it feels almost silly for my biggest criticism to be how easy it is for your netsona to become just your real self. but part of the reason i've found it so easy to post my big stupid tweenage head and address (read: my mummy's address) was because there was no real barrier to doing so or consequence that wouldn't already be at risk of happening to me for as long as i was unwilling to post when i was awake and use the spellings and language i grew up speaking and successfully pass as an alien hijacking someone else's constantly-randomizing ip address. back when it was easier to find information about my cptsd from my main carrd i had some kind of a byf or index page that repeated that same idea: the deeply personal and private information that i share in this publicly is stuff that i already confide in my friends, and that is the only grouping of people who have the power to use that information to hurt me. giving it to a stranger is a net zero risk when they can't utilize it in any more triggering a fashion than some chump on xitter threatening to rape me. (and, as the recipient of a lot of different people's obsessive dislike, it also really helps to alleviate the paranoia that comes when someone leaks your priv on average once a year by removing the need to play cute with me to get these facts.)
i find myself making - or dreaming of making - accounts for specific things. for writing, or nsfw, or fanfic i just have clogging up my google docs, or reviewing music, or art, or. etc etc. it has, to me, a certain amount of kayfabe required to run an "anonymous" account the way i wish i was able to. i get jealous of artists i see on skeb who have a pixiv and maybe a twitter, urls like wwwww__09 and 0_x204, nothing else but the thing they made the account for. i think it's something that i'm always going to struggle with for as long as i try to be online, because i get something out of being online that people capable of running those accounts don't need or really want. i don't know how to just present the product and leave. i ramble even as i convince myself that everything i have to say is almost too obvious to mention. but there's a version of me in the corner of my eye who can compartmentalize well enough to just be a keysmash and an icon that doesn't have to look good and whatever i make in whatever form it takes. you can't pepe silvia real world or vulnerable information out of what she says because she doesn't say anything. she doesn't have an inbox, or read her comments. she makes things because she loves them on their own merit and for their own sake. what she gets out of having it on a blog instead of burning in a journal in her back yard... i don't know. if i knew that, i could learn how to be her.
i've been having a lot of fun on neocities, in part because there is less of an expectation for you to be serve-able right out of the gate. i feel like i'm oversharing so much and managing to say so little, because i am. it's not as easy to sink into the pattern of lots of sound very little substance the way it has been for me on sites like twitter and tumblr where you can be online all day rt and rb-ing and never say anything of your own. inversely it's been far easier for me to work on things here than it has been in line app and on nekomais where i feel like any monologues about my life or interests that are worth the time it takes to type would be better off as public entries. i'm not quite sure if this is the solution to all of my ills, but i am at least scoring it on a different metric than anywhere else i've ever tried. it's a better type of anonymity, where it falls to me to disclose what i want and hide what i must and which actually had the ability to stand up to the sheer volume of disjointed absolutely nothing i can quickfire out around me like a meteor belt.
previous entries: 2026 - ??
JUN. saw a friend, saw a tornado, saw several contractors, made some miis. 7/10
MAY. worked hard on code, made a lot of pixel art and 110 ekuoto stamps, cut hair. 6/10
APR. filed for divorce, did not sleep, my little paige niemann popped back up. 2/10
MAR. owhe launch, car broken into, rescued two garden cats, ported sp to pk (eugh). 7/10
FEB. mad at iwtv:tv over lestat, made best cheesy leftover korma melt in world. 6/10
JAN. my birthday!! got norovirus / adeno flu, liked the acnh hotel update. 7/10
🙛 sealed with a loving kiss.
peebs: adventure time, imuri atsuki: make the exorcist fall in love, sarah williams: labyrinth / girls next door, hong seol: cheese in the trap, mami tomoe: puella magi madoka magica ( the different story ), abigail hobbs: nbc hannibal, the master: doctor who / big finish radio, susan pevensie: the chronicles of narnia, tomie kawakami: junji ito, blair waldorf: gossip girl, nausicaä: of the valley of the wind, naho takamiya: orange, malon: legend of zelda: ocarina of time, poison ivy: batman (animated series), marcille donato: dungeon meshi, kirakishou: rozen maiden, 'vanitas': cast story of vanitas, lucrezia borgia: the borgias (2011)
character tropes that get me every time: small but knowing clown, getting the cia award for journalism (bullet in the head), rip to orpheus but i would simply never turn around again*, opening your eyes and then opening your eyes again,tam lin, the palace perspective, burning alive at the stake for a few minutes just to see if they'd say sorry and take it back, blood magic in all the worst ways, any interesting takes on vampirism at all, being the angriest person alive, a life that fits inside an acorn, my [father] is the worst man alive and i'm his favourite [daughter], whatever phemiec is ever singing about when they put the troll horns on, manic downswings of the "i'm taking you with me" variety, saving the day because you're an uncompromising bitch, "i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy" i would, and of course and as ever: the jewel of all-desiring, the wisher class, and deceptive harmony.
* yes i know that it's a story about a specific type of tragedy and the point is that had orpheus loved eurydice any less he would have also been able to keep on truckin™ but i am making a point of my own about characters like lan wangji and riza hawkeye. the girls that get it get it.
🙛 rose of the month.
Hearts ♡ or: wanted.
god it's august already...? okay. anyway, i decided to kick this feature off by leaning into the more loveheart colour scheme i've been using and actually pick a red rose this time. hearts wasn't what i was thinking of (i was actually looking for hybrid tea roses to get that perfect traditional shape) but the preview for this looked hypnotically like a charcuterie board and by then it was too late. hearts is named for the shape the inner ruffles make, unlike it's variant "wanted" which forms a more rounded club in the center. the difference between the two breeds is what makes hearts interesting, though - grown fairtrade in ecuador, the two variants are grown split between the top and bottom of a local mountain & it is apparently the height and air pressure that causes hearts to look like that.
🙛 let's catch up.
since my last: with the foundation repairs sorted we could finally get someone out to come scrivenge the garden down to bare grass (which we did) so that when the fence installation date arrived we weren't being quadruple charged for them cutting our hedges. the back gate turned out pretty well all things considered, barring a few egregious complaints i have because i'm fussy, so we're finally in a place where i feel comfortable trying to set up trellis and planters and the birdhouses and suchlike. it'll be slow going because i don't want to really lock anything in until the roof work is done and i know the areas i want to work on aren't going to be walked through any time soon, but i'm already dreaming about growing green beans like my nan did.
touching grass: walking trail restored! (not that we've been by recently regardless...) i got a crazy evil inner ear infection because of the humidity so a lot of our grass-touching has just been forcing ourselves to go on mental health drives in the sunshine before we crawl home and die. besides that i mostly just want to brag that we've managed to maintain our brunch routine for four months now, and we're almost in a place to add a second set meal to the weekly planner without it feeling like we're back on rations. i also sat on star until he bought himself the guitar he's been saving up for since we moved to this province and have really been enjoying the sound of him practicing again. hopefully by the next time i update this we'll have managed to jenga the furniture around a bit better and made space for his instruments in the living room strip.
mindlessly scrolling: our wars have ended continues to be egregiously undefeatable in the podcast arena in literally every aspect so i cannot overstate how much you need to get in on this shit like it's bitcoin. widow's bay has been slow going because star and i are both pussies about radically different parts of the scaries, but what we have chipped through has been incredible fun and also made me pee a bit. i'd managed to get a week or so free from afk journey after burning through the season that gave me galahad but between roland in the stargaze station and the new cyran skin if i waste my life on a minigame they did in fact lure me back. at least hello sweet days has been on a generational let-down for the last few months. i don't think i'd survive an actually good summer bag on top of everything else.
🙛 my neighbourhood.
i'm so over the moon to be able not only to add a neighbours section but to move buttons from sites i like up into this section instead?? anyway here are my beloved oomfs all of whom have sites i want to eat
oldtimer a. has been one of my best friends for longer than either of us have legally been alive at this point and i'm so so lucky for that because i do nothing but improve my own skills as i chase desperately after his
kkul mocha was the first mutual i ever made on neocities and i'm so honored because her design skills are insane and her entire site smells like buttercream icing
puddingcat hima has such an amazing grasp of how to use actually comforting pastels, everything feels soft and comforting without clashing or washing out which i struggle with so much (and i'm going to be rotating this site in my head for inspo for months)
philia995 philia is one of my favourite sites on neocities not just because their layout is so meticulous and nostalgic but because of the work they put into making neocities feel like an actual community. their site of the month features remind me so fondly of daily deviations in the best way.
spotties ashley's layouts are SO much fun without ever being hard to parse or overstimulating. opening her site feels like i'm about to input a webkinz code in the best way
lunabelle i've been obsessed with luna's site since i saw the typewriter and i'm right to be. the way their lace borders layer haunts me because it's so delicate and clever
miet tokki's site is the most princess i've ever seen someone pull off. it literally feels like watching diamonds getting set into a ring.
itinerae shye's grip on aesthetics is INSANE and 100% the reason i stuck with it when i failed so much at making a floralcodes style layout because i'd seen her works and KNEW it was possible to make something beautiful for neocities
overthesea hands down one of the most thoughtful and interesting sites i've ever seen, i'm so taken with the old illustration scrapbook feel
evagirlarchive i really missed seeing sites that were so unabashedly about the thing you love with no cross-contamination and the amount of care and devotion in this one blows me out of the water every time i see it
gyarutobii opening stintan's site feels like coming home to an internet where you like the things you like and there's nothing stopping you. from the glittertext to the actual content it is just so warm and fun
zampyre zamp's entire site is such a warm throwback to evanescence-era myspace but it feels like the first time i stumbled over spiraphobia on tumblr and got really into horror manga
nanni-archive nanni does the most insanely amazing job of pushing all of the fun bits of the indie web into a much cleaner and more polished style of formatting and i am insane about it
cloverlover i think when you first picture a neocities site nara's has to be one of the first three that come to mind, bedause of how meticulous and cute hers is specifically
baalbek honestly one of the most interesting revival sites currently updating, every section and nested surprise feels so nostalgic for when you could lose hours of your life deep-diving a stranger. and the aesthetic care that wraps it is unsurpassed and always unique. one of those sites that has impeccable 손맛 (son-mat)
oktober i cannot explain it but opening saren's site felt exactly like going to the giant omlette in neopets. her pixel art is so gorgeous and i loved going back through her archives to see exactly how long she's worked to develop that skill
ribbondoll the css version of discovering kira imai's angelic pretty illustrations for the first time, megan's site is like spun sugar
bluesongbird blue's got a fantastic gift for making something that sits perfectly at the intersection of beatrix potter and vintage old web cuteness
carolean INSANE. insane!! i literally don't know what else to say here!! caro has managed to bend css so thoroughly around itself and back out again that it feels like magic. the amount of work that's clearly gone into assembling every single png blows me away and the result is nothing short of gorgeous. my favourite place to get lost in, hands down bar none are you KIDDING ME
chiffona mira has one of the most unique aesthetics in the best way. the way the ascii cyberism elements elevate the delicate lace and cream ones but never clash
h-ran h. has a fantastic and thoughtful grasp of language and uses it with the modesty of a champion fencer handing out tips. i really hope to read more poems soon, and i am deeply enamoured with the chunky knit pixel aesthetic i'm seeing
peachyvoid it's always really fun to find someone who is just setting up their blog and realize that you got in on the ground floor through sheer chance
bulltown everything joe makes in general reminds me every day that the web only stops being full of creative connections when you stop creating and connecting
shycat cat's entire site is so fineline without ever feeling cluttered that it's almost less like a webbed site and more like getting a guided tour of someone's charm bracelet
befriendghosts i'm really excited to see ghost add more stuff to his site. it's just nice to have neighbours who also have to collapse onto the victorian fainting couch after pushing a single page out...
cherrymocha robin has without a doubt one of the most authentically "i grew up with this" oldweb aesthetics i have ever seen
rayna fell down a hole having fun on rayna's site and getting ideas for things i'd like to include. the for me page segment is so clever and fun
🙛 sites i really like.
fill new current in here also hewwo
disclaimer: i like some of these for their tone, some for their resources, and some for their code. to make it extra confusing as to which is which, i put them in alphabetical order. have fun !
arorotica,
asterism,
artwork,
arunyi,
brugmansia manor,
caitsith,
cinni's dream home,
cloverbell,
dawkie,
decodreams,
dollarchive,
dxcccii,
fawnie,
florrie,
folkmoss,
fool lovers,
freaksaint,
gloomy-poison,
goooby,
hellomei,
hell-mouth,
hillhouse,
lavender-black,
lina's home,
lostletters,
maddycha,
maggieful,
maplebear,
melokaji,
miserabledolly,
mothclub,
mudflower,
nefritvel,
nekonokuni,
notprincehamlet,
peepo,
petrapixels,
pixelsafari,
poempuppy,
ribo.zone,
rice.place,
sailorichigo,
sanguineroyal,
sictaena,
strawberry-gashes,
sweet-pea,
sweetheartmemory,
tamanotchi,
tinydiorama,
treflemefle,
unicodeangel,
valentinely
i'll get to this bit later on!!
. . . overflow will go on my blog.
blog 
make diary templates 
fix rss feed coding 
port all posts in 
clean up code 
viable mobile version 