GIRLJUDAS @ RSHP
♡ recent visitors.MAP.
♡ my button.
hotlinking ok // let me add yours
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Natalie Mielle
Natalie Mielle
𑣲 a bit about your web-saintess:
she wants to be flowers, but you make her owls. you must not complain, then, if she goes hunting. [ . . . ] i think she was longing for the time when she was flowers on the mountain, and it is making her cruel, as the rose is growing thorns.

basics. natalie, mielle, or daphne if we're close. born in 1994. she, zie, they are all fine but please never call me he or use masculine/butch/etc terminology unless you see me use it first. genderfluid femme bi. white, tme transfeminist, fat and happy with it, disabled ( chronic fatigue, fibro, sleep phase something ) and insane ( cptsd and comorbidities, bipolar ), ex full service sex worker. xviii: the moon. toxic yuri warrior and general unlikable lunatic. aquarius who doesn't believe in astrology, scaredy-cat who doesn't believe in ghosts, loves some candles and rosemary magic despite being annoyingly atheist in real life. so-called "saintess" because i'm incapable of using the word "master" normally after decades in the doctor who mines, and i read a truly horrific amount of otome isekai and now think saintess is a normal word for an evil woman chosen by angels to fuck around and ruin everyone's day.
 
online. i've been everywhere on the internet, if only for a day or two, and i've kind of given up on making myself work for social media's sake. i'm very obnoxious about my opinions and i was raised in a cave by a cloud so every third word i use is a pidginette stand-in to bridge the gap between my isolationist word salad and the real word where the concepts i'm trying to verbalize won't exist for another hundred and fifty years. you can always ask me to clarify something unless you're going to do so as a foot in the door for a teaching moment™ where you berate me for describing a different colour red than the one you see or in the way you'd describe it. this site dabbles heavily aesthetically with shades of rose pink, lindt teddy bears, strawberries and apples as a stand-in until they release the raspberry emoji, and the giant gaping hole that the owl service drilled in the side of my head when i read it as a precocious child. it is a work in progress, but i've decided that everyone talking about "living sites" was right and i'm tired of not publishing what i have done in case people expected more.
 
accessibility. i coded most of the chunks of this to my preferences but i test 90% of it live either on my phone in the bathtub or on my wife's phone where he has darkmode and bigtext turned on. if it's broken on your phone know that it's not because i hate accessibility: it's because i tried really hard and i failed every time until i gave up. as far as specifically colours go i have tried to keep it safe on night mode but i re-read my posts on daymode and so the contrast needs to not be a migraine trigger for me more than any other hypothetical reader who can use the alternate colourscheme without getting sunspots that make them throw up. and before you say "you sure are lucky that your own headache-avoidance colours are also the exact rosy shades you like to code in" i'd like to point out that i'd be a bigger idiot if i didn't give in and just learn how to make something really cute within the cataract haze shades i'm allowed to look at?? my favourite colour is grey and i can't use it anywhere i need to be able to read back to myself. at the end of the day, i'm disabled too and i can only do what i can do.

♡ read my diary.
weather: beautiful sunset weather, great for walks if you aren't scared of mosquitos. we also started getting serious rainstorms again as opposed to global warming flash floods, but we also got the roof repaired so i'm finally able to enjoy my favourite skies and sounds without having to put a paddling pool in the back porch to catch 2 litres of manky brown water :)

faves: though i am an inept villainess (anime adaptation), the adventures of sherlock holmes (1980s tv series), legend of zelda: echoes of wisdom (videogame), re-listening to the lily allen divorce (album) even if it's way weaker in the second half (side note: why is that true of most albums? back in my day™ we could expect at least a famous last words or a 27...)

complaints: i set a background i didn't like on my neocities because i wanted to bring more red in and then disliked how red it was so badly i abandoned the project entirely for a little bit, my antiweb manifesto first draft was postable and true but it reads a little bit like a coke rant now that the feeling behind it has died down again so i have to revise it into an actually dignified series of coherent points, cleaning the house has been a losing battle and i'm not a very strong soldier, i had to block like 15 people for hyping up rocky horror after tim curry died.

friends: i've basically been untextable this month while taking care of birdie post-surgery for a fortnight. when i've been able to talk to people i've had to use that to sort out the contractors we had in to fully strip our roof / repair every rotten board from the previous holes / put an actually watertight one back on, sort out the laundromat pickup we had to get because i couldn't safely get past the back porch mess to the basement, and chase up our mechanic about putting break pads back in our car (literally "back in" btw, they skipped the wearing-out stage and dissolved one day).

commonplace: i know our being trapped at home has been enforced by everything going on but i have really enjoyed being able to just co-exist with star this month. i'm not going to miss it as he feels better and we start getting back into our hikes and shared hobbies and go out & in fact have really enjoyed as he feels better and our weekends start to involve going back to the two farmer's markets we like best while they're still open, redecorating rooms we left at the bottom of the to-do list, and revisiting the provincial parks around us. but! i'm a potato at heart and having him tuckered out from healing enough that making a bed on the couch and binging a film actually felt fun instead of understimulating was really nice for me.

i don't have much of a big entry because i got out of the habit and i've already forgotten half of september and all of august. i know at points i caught up on mieruko-chan, witch hat, and the (now previous) afk season and i enjoyed doing all of those well enough, but i'm honestly mostly just tired. yesterday i re-caulked our kitchen sink and while that cured we did our monthly sitdown garlic bread machine (since star is gluten free we just buy the least offensive gf loaf and manually slather them in melted jarlic butter and cheese, then wrap them in foil and freeze them for later) which i missed. this week my goal is to re-caulk the bathtub and then install a D-shaped shower curtain rod so we can try to protect the tiles as much as possible until we have the money/time/energy to get the bathroom remodeled into a real wetroom.

i said this on tumblr but i am really tired of being in online sapphic spaces. the biphobia is exhausting on its own but the recent pushback on that has gone from like actually pro-bi history to just insisting that lesbians have it better and that’s why “we” (???) keep trying to break in and take a share. but the deification of Lesbian as a pseudo-social cottagecore class doesnt actually come from any real roots in that community and it sure as shit doesnt do anything but hurt actual gay women. “oh well being a lesbian is held up as so much better and purer” to you!! to you, dipshit, because the people doing it hate bisexuality and want to convince you to stop being one!! they’re not turning around and giving your slice of the cake to real lesbians though!! they’re condescending to and browbeating them out of discussing having sexual attraction to women or constantly trying to prove that they’re bisexuals by naming fictional men or real transgender women they’ve had crushes on. the ideal influencer wlw is two rich bitches who never have sex and whose entire past holds up to a gold-star level of psychotic bi-hunting scrutiny (but not too strictly because they’ll be accused of being actual gold stars, the same way every lesbian is accused of being a terf by other cisgender women whose communities have the exact same issue) and its so fucking exhausting and dogshit and evil. i just wanted to talk to other women who have sex with women and hang out.

latest entry
♡ S EPT . . .

♡ sealed with a loving kiss.

character tropes that get me every time: small but knowing clown, getting the cia award for journalism (bullet in the head), rip to orpheus but i would simply never turn around again*, opening your eyes and then opening your eyes again,tam lin, the palace perspective, burning alive at the stake for a few minutes just to see if they'd say sorry and take it back, blood magic in all the worst ways, any interesting takes on vampirism at all, being the angriest person alive, a life that fits inside an acorn, my [father] is the worst man alive and i'm his favourite [daughter], whatever phemiec is ever singing about when they put the troll horns on, manic downswings of the "i'm taking you with me" variety, saving the day because you're an uncompromising bitch, "i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy" i would, and of course and as ever: the jewel of all-desiring, the wisher class, and deceptive harmony.
 
* yes i know that it's a story about a specific type of tragedy and the point is that had orpheus loved eurydice any less he would have also been able to keep on truckin™ but i am making a point of my own about characters like lan wangji and riza hawkeye. the girls that get it get it.
♡ rose of the month.
Black Magic  ♡ or: hybrid tea.
after stressing myself out about missing a month i decided that this pick for october would be nice and lazy. so i went looking for a black rose for the obvious gothic angle. black magic isn't quite right but i'm more endeared by it than i am by the few alternatives. i like the velvety sheen it takes on in the dim light that gave it its name and i'm always a sucker for a tasteful tea rose. this rose looks nice and it suits the season. i've never been given to halloween fever the way my darling friends are; jack skellington and the addams family films have always been a christmas thing to me anyway.
♡ let's catch up.
since my last: we had the other big repairs crew roll in, destroy our yard, and roll out. with the roof and foundation sorted and a proper fence put in i'm now allowed to worry away at internal fixes for a few months in peace before it becomes time to get serious about gardening. we need to make a lot of changes to the yard area before we can plant sunflowers and blackberries and grow veg and set up what will eventually become a little pagoda buried in our cottage garden, and most of them do require me to let winter roll in and out first.
 
touching grass: we got the catio (read: mostly inaccessible front porch the old owners inexplicably built) tidied out and actually set up our bird-and-squirrel feeders around the windows the cats can access easily. we also dug up and added to our windchime collection now that we have unfettered access to the large tree out back and actually spent an hour or so painstakingly hanging them all up. now one end of the house sounds musical and the other sounds like a lot of native birds attacking one another. star and i have started driving out of the city to take a more beautiful walking path and have managed to get to the halfway point before looping back to the car. i'm optimistic about our ability to finish it before the first snow.
 
mindlessly scrolling: owhe continues to be good, hsd continues to drop bags i dislike, and i've been communicating in emojis with the japanese-speaking core userbase of nui biyori about how much we all like eachothers photos of teddy bears doing everyday activities. otherwise the dead internet has been making itself harder and harder to endure so i just... haven't been.
last updated: 5:47am, saturday, august 8th, 2026
♡ camera roll.
♡ my neighbourhood.ETC.
i'm so over the moon to be able not only to add a neighbours section but to move buttons from sites i like up into this section instead?? anyway here are my beloved oomfs all of whom have sites i want to eat
♡ sites i really like.
disclaimer: i like some of these for their tone, some for their resources, and some for their code. to make it extra confusing as to which is which, i put them in alphabetical order. have fun !
♡ chapter summary.
in which i show off my questionable aesthetic taste and five hundred links to the rest of my site, go over the terms of engagement, do a characters like me sampler, admit to using bluesky, and generally overwhelm you with everything but autoplay. if you dislike tiny and pale text, now is when to tap out (or switch to mobile view). if you love infinite dropdowns and pink, this is for you. fun fact: the discworld quote changes if you refresh me.
♡ discworld quote.
♡ steal her hue.
♡ homebrew twitter.
♡ BEAR-IKKOJI / BURRIK-KUMA.
if you're viewing this site, consider posting one of my little bearmoji to say hi ( or signing the guestbook )
♡ SOCIAL MEDIA. ETC.
♡ to-do list.
make diary templates
fix rss feed coding
port all posts in
clean up code
viable mobile version
♡ changelog.
  05 / 10 : fixed bg issue  
  05 / 10 : took down old mani  
  14 / 08 : antiweb manifesto
  14 / 08 : updated neighbours
  14 / 08 : new background
  28 / 07 : textized mobile
  28 / 07 : new "/currently"
  28 / 07 : journal: june
  28 / 07 : mobile homepage
  28 / 07 : finished neighbours
  25 / 07 : new border img
  24 / 07 : neighbours section
  24 / 07 : rose of the month
  14 / 07 : blog and guestbook
  10 / 07 : sitemap finally live
  08 / 07 : desktop 2.0 finished
  14 / 07 : fiddled popup
  14 / 07 : desktop re-cage
  10 / 07 : first draft sitemap
  08 / 07 : second well
  08 / 07 : wip dead-end code
  08 / 07 : all links work
  01 / 07 : fell down a well
  02 / 07 : started pages
  30 / 06 : formatting fin
  30 / 06 : added site recs
  30 / 06 : added rose otd
  29 / 06 : made button
  29 / 06 : mobile response
  29 / 06 : ported old bits
  29 / 08 : restarted log
♡ monthly planner.
schedule for october
mtwtfss
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